"Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” -Helen Keller
Every year as my birthday approaches, I like to do this thing where I recollect and reflect on what the year has brought and taught me. It’s a way for me to acknowledge where I am in life, what can I improve, change, and grow. Some years have been better than others, there’s been room for improvement, some years have been nothing but a roller coaster, and this year is no exception.
Have you ever felt rejected? Whether is from society, school, or even a loved one. Well, let me open up and be vulnerable to share my prospective on this past year and things that made me feel this way.
Before I start, let me give you a background of myself. I was born in Mexico City and at the age of 7 years old I came into the United States. That’s a drastic change for someone that had never experienced anything outside of her country. I had to learn a new language, a different culture, and at the same time try to fit in. I grew up in church and I remember always going to church accompanied by my siblings because my mother was always working. My father was in and out of my life for most of my childhood. At a young age I was exposed to adversity, but that’s another story to tell. I was raised in the good ole’ Tulsa, Oklahoma. I found my passion in high school and that’s physical therapy. I knew that’s what I wanted to be in life and decided to pursue my dream. I graduated from Oral Roberts University in 2019 and after finishing college my first goal was to get into physical therapy school.
After taking a break I applied last fall of 2020 for graduate school. A 5 month wait felt like an eternity just to find out I wasn’t accepted into school. As soon as I found out I felt defeated and rejected with no purpose. I fell into a pit because I was creating my identity and everything I knew in this task of getting into physical therapy school. At the same time, I wasn’t content with my job. I had never felt like I’ve had a grown-up job. You know those jobs society tells us to get after getting done with college. I knew I needed and wanted to grow professionally, but the company I was working for at the time didn't offer anything for growth or at least something I could do within physical therapy. I felt stuck professionally. Without a doubt I knew I needed to leave and find a full-time job where I could not only grow but save up money for school for the future. Without thinking of my decision, I gave my 2 weeks’ notice. I didn’t know when I would find a job or thought of the idea of how hard it would be to find a new job. As if things weren’t hard enough, devastation knocked my door one more time, the person I thought I was going to marry was gone.
“How do I come back from this?”, “God are you even here?”, Why me?, “I don’t want to go through this pain!”, “Please, help me!” Along those lines were some questions and talks with God. I couldn’t understand that within months my entire life felt like water slipping through my hands with nothing I could do. I felt ripped from my identity, unvalued, unworthy, and rejected. I was ready to give up professionally, physically, and spiritually. I allowed myself to break, feel every emotion. Through my brokenness and the unknown I knew this was not it for me and this was not going to defeat me.
“Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”” John 8:12 NKJV
God never promised me that things were going to be simple and easy, but instead he will be with me no matter the situation or circumstance. I gave myself time to process everything that happened in my life within months. I still question if there was no easier way to have gone through this differently. All I can say that through this God has shown me his goodness. He showed me the person I was becoming arrogant, selfish, prideful, negative, stubborn to name a few things. He used this time for me to realize where I was going and who I was becoming. I had to realized that I was just doing life to do life with no purpose.
I know the events leading to this season of restoration and healing where not a coincidence. Do I like it? No, no one loves pain. I’m learning to embrace the season I’m in. I’m embracing the pain because I know one day down through the years, I’ll look at this moment and see God’s hand on my life. I’m living everything on its season, so when the season changes, I won’t be living in the past. My God did not failed me. My God is good and faithful. Time does not heal, but Jesus does. This time is for preparation for the now and the future. I learned that I don't need a terminal diagnosis to live my life with intention. In the midst of the unknown, one thing I know for sure is that I’m not willing to go a day of my life without God.
"But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31 NKJV
My prayer is that no matter where you are or what journey you're in that God will meet you in the middle of it all!