Letter to My Ex
If you ever wonder “God are you there?” the answer is yes.
I took some time from writing not because I wanted to, I was just having hard time “hearing from God” so I thought. I experienced a time of stillness and silence, which led me to frustration and acknowledgement.
At the time I couldn't understand what was happening. Prayer after prayer I wasn’t getting anything. I was getting frustrated with God to the point where I was having bold conversations and asking him, what are you doing with me? Where are you? I can’t hear you.
While focusing on what was not happening, God was working within me. He was showing me the purpose of vulnerability, forgiveness, and teaching me about season changes. One night I had enough, I broke down like a baby because I felt like God was not listening to me, but in that moment, I felt God’s presence and he told me to write a letter.
I was like, write the letter? What letter. I’ve said everything I needed to say. I’m moving on focusing on you. What else do you want me to do. I’m doing everything you have called me to do. After fusing, I went ahead and wrote a letter to my ex.
After I was done writing part of it, I had the realization that what God was trying to show me was to be still. I was rushing into things; I was in the mood of go, go, go. God what’s next? checking every little box in my to do list. But the whole purpose was for me to acknowledge that I was still holding on to pain, emotions that are not from God. I was moving forward yet, in my subconscious there were still things that were holding me back from continuing my journey.
You may have found yourself wondering if God only answers prayers for others but yours. I’m not going to lie I have felt that way before, you’re not alone. But know that even when there’s silence at times He’s still doing his work in you and through you. God is helping you while he is healing you. He is the Great I AM. He is the way maker, the beginning and the end. God knows what you need, the when, the where, and the why.
I hope that with this letter you can check your heart and see if there’s anything bothering you, something from childhood, insignificant, or major, whatever it is maybe God is telling you write that letter, find freedom through him, and lean on to him.
Be still and seek him even when you don’t think he is listening. Trust me HE IS. He’s always there. Don’t overestimate the beauty of silence and stillness.
There’s the possibility that you will never read this and that’s okay. Today, I write you this letter because I have a burden in my heart that needs to be gone. I’ve been carrying this for too long now. But its time… I’ve been talking about letting go and moving on from the things I thought I needed. Life really knocked me out for a second. So, it’s time to say goodbye for good.
I never thought I would be doing this, life without you. I thought you were the one. I thought that I had gone through many obstacles in life to be with you, but no, in reality because of our relationship I had to overcome more hurdles than I wanted to. Before I say goodbye, I want to leave with these words in mind:
I was promised a ring. I was promised a wedding. I was promised an ever after and more. And at the end I was left with nothing but memories. I was left heart broken in a place where I didn’t want to continue with life. I was tired of it all.
I open and gave you my heart and you didn’t take care of it as you once promised. I welcomed you to my world, I showed you every part of it just to be left without your essence. I wasn’t perfect by no means, but I was committed to grow together.
I will never understand the why, but I want to tell you that I forgive you for your mistakes, but above all, I forgive myself for the mistakes I made.
Life with you was not perfect but it was beautiful journey till it lasted. I learned many things along the way. I learned to serve others without expecting anything in return. I learned to care for others and love them as my own. I could go on and on of the things I learned from this relationship, but I know I learned more about myself after you left than I ever did my entire life.
I want to thank you for the many great memories and all the lessons learned during and after. I will cherished them forever, I wouldn’t change anything because it has brought me to where I am now. It has brought me to places I never imagine being at. Simply, thank you.
I bless you, I hope God brings love, peace, and joy.